


You're Worth It

by Moviemaniacgirl



Category: Sunshine (2007)
Genre: Character Death, Falling In Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con References, Smut, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-02-20
Updated: 2012-05-07
Packaged: 2017-10-31 11:59:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/343799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moviemaniacgirl/pseuds/Moviemaniacgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Capa/Mace fic in which Mace has been admiring Capa from afar for months before an event changes that for the both of them. Warning: Noncon, Violence, language, smut, but a happy ending, non-Canon (the ending is changed)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The first time Mace saw the scrawny physicist he was blown away. The man had the most piercing blues eyes Mace had ever seen, and not once the entire four hours they spent in the room together did Capa’s eyes meet Mace’s. The other members of the crew seemed affronted that Capa, who wasn’t even an astronaut, wouldn’t look at them, but Mace thought Capa was just in another world. Capa spent a lot of his time by himself with his numbers, and Mace understood that’s just the way he liked it. 

Once the crew started their mission—and were actually in space—Mace began to watch Capa more closely. For the first few months there wasn’t much else to do but watch him. Sometimes Mace would see him sit alone and scribble on bits of paper—mouthing things to himself that Mace wished he were close enough to hear. Other times Capa would be off with the payload—not coming out until a meal. Normally Capa would miss around two dinners a week; forgetting about the social-etiquette in favor of his payload. When he didn’t miss dinner though, he’d be doing a very limited number of things.  
1) He’d fixate on one member of the crew and watch them very closely; almost trying to understand who they were at their very core.  
2) Eat with his head down.  
3) Make small talk and smile along with everyone, but only make eye contact with Cassie, who he almost considered surrogate sister, Kaneda, the captain and a therefore a man worthy of respect, or Searle, who seemed to understand him on a fundamental level. 

Only once did he actually turn his focus on Mace during the first four months of meal-time watching. It was Tuesday and Mace was tired from the one job he’d had since the Icarus II left Earth. Mace could feel a dab of grease drying on his neck, but he was too lazy to do anything about it. All he did was push around his food with the fork and make obligatory comments here and there. Ten minutes into the meal Mace felt Capa’s eyes on his face. He stilled in shock for a moment, but then continued pushing the food. Blood began to rush to his neck and he could feel himself getting hotter and hotter. Mace struggled to keep calm while knowing Capa could see everything he was thinking and doing. He almost burst out laughing then—he’d thought Capa could read his mind simply by looking at him. Yes, the man was a genius, and yes, he was observant, but that was ridiculous. Mace felt the blue eyes leave his face and he looked up—relieved to be free of the stifling heat of the knowing gaze—but just as he did this Capa’s eyes met his. 

Instant heat shot to Mace’s groin and he felt himself grow hard just by the blue gaze sent his way. He wanted to grab Capa and bend him over the table—fuck him raw. Fuck the straight look of his face. Hear Capa scream and pant and moan and say his name over and over again. Mace had to turn away before his face betrayed his thoughts. He calmed his breathing and he didn’t look back at Capa once more the entire forty minute meal. 

Mace strode back to his room and dropped his pants. He took a thick and calloused hand and spit into it. Seconds later he was jacking himself to the image of Capa sprawled across a bed moaning his name. It took an embarrassingly short number of minutes to make himself cum, and only moments after that Mace was already feeling guilty. This was Capa he was thinking about. Capa was the most intelligent, thoughtful, beautiful man he’d ever met, and he would never have him. Capa probably wasn’t even gay, and even if he was… God please let him be gay!... he would never go for Mace. Mace knew that, and it sickened him. 

It also sickened Mace that for the next two weeks he jerked off every night to images of Capa. 

 

It was a 16 month trip to the sun and a 16 month trip back. They were a week and five months into the trip and Mace had begun to hate the sun more than he had before: the dead-zone of communication came months before they had predicted, and they had 24 hours to send out messages to their family and friends on Earth. Mace had been trying to avoid Capa ever since the masturbation started, but Mace was directly after Capa in the recording of messages. What would he say to Capa? Would they talk? Would Capa even care that he was there?

Time ticked by and Mace was beginning to get hard thinking about the things he could do or say. Maybe he’d bump into Capa or maybe he’d ask Capa to help him with something later. Maybe… God, stop it! Mace had to stop it. This was horrible, and he had to stop telling himself he’d get to feel Capa, a man so out of his league it hurt. 

This was when Mace realized that Capa was running into his turn. It wasn’t that Mace had a long message to send, but he wanted to let his mother know he loved her. He wanted to let his father know it was alright he’d never cared. All of these things he might never get to say again, and Capa was still going. As much as the man was fascinating and beautiful, as much as he filled Mace’s every waking dream, this was too much. Maybe it was all too much. Capa wasn’t just taking up Mace’s time to record a message; he was taking up Mace’s life. How could someone do that to him? How could Capa take everything away from him. 

Capa opened the doors after taking up twenty minutes of his time, and Mace couldn’t handle it. He started yelling and pretty soon he was shoving up against the agile body—the body he’d dreamed of. He was slamming his fist into the beautiful face he’d wanted to devour. He wanted to destroy something beautiful*, something he would never have. 

Kaneda, Corazon and Harvey separated them within minutes, but Capa was going to be bruised, and Mace was already beside himself with self-pity. He recorded his message and then had to sit in front of Kaneda as the man instructed him to apologize. Mace did apologize, but it sounded nothing like the sincerity he felt. Capa blew it off and blew him off. 

Things continued like they always did: Kaneda had to captain the Icarus II, Harvey had to follow at Kaneda’s heels, Trey, Cassie and Corazon worked for hours at a time and talked with each other when they weren’t otherwise preoccupied, Mace tinkered with panels when it wasn’t meal time and he wasn’t asleep, and Capa ate, slept and payload-ed. It was nearly into the sixth month when things began to change. 

At first Mace thought he was the only one who noticed—and perhaps at first he was—but after five days straight, everyone noticed Capa’s absence from the dinner table. 

“Do you think something’s wrong with the payload?” Cassie worried her bottom lip and put her hands flat on the table. She felt a little more than the familial bond Capa harbored between them; Cassie had a crush, nothing more than a schoolgirl’s fantasy. 

“Probably. Capa wouldn’t miss dinner this much just for routine checkups.” Kaneda’s voice betrayed his worry. 

“Guys, come on. It’s Capa here. Maybe he’s just a little upset. Give him time. It’s only been five days.” 

Everyone turned to look at Harvey. He seemed so sure. Eventually the subject was dropped and the next day, when Capa came to dinner, a silent sigh of relief went around the room. 

Mace still worried when Capa stopped 1) Watching them 2) eating and 3) making any level of small talk at all. 

 

Six months and three weeks into the mission Mace was back to palming himself nightly to dreams of Capa’s sweaty form beneath his. It was sick, that was clear enough, but it was the only thing Mace had that made him happy. Recently, he and Capa had been fighting more frequently, and granted, the fights could always be pinned on Mace, but Mace preferred that they be screaming rather than silent, and hitting rather than never touching. Still, these fights were eating away at his sanity; it was harder and harder not to pin Capa to a wall and fuck him then and there. 

 

“Fuck you too! Why don’t you go back to your payload, it’s the only thing on this goddamned ship you like anyway!”

“At least it’s not an asshole!”

“Did you just call me an asshole?”

“What, are you deaf now too, asshole?”

“That’s it! Capa, you better fucking quit now!”

“Or what? You’ll hit me? Fucking bring it.”

Capa was suddenly pressed up against the wall of the Icarus II; his heart was pounding and Mace was bringing a fist down to meet his face. Capa slid his head to the left and bit the sensitive place between Mace’s the collar bone and neck. Suddenly a jolt of lust waved through Mace’s body and he was semi-erect. All Mace wanted to do was drop his fist and pull Capa’s face into his. He turned as quickly as he could and walked away.

“Fine asshole! Just go! Be a coward!”

“Not wanting to hurt you isn’t cowardly!”

“You couldn’t hurt me if you tried.” Capa’s voice was hardly above a whisper but the words rung around Mace’s skull for hours to come. What had Capa meant? How badly had he been hurt before? 

That night when Mace got hard thinking about Capa, rather than jerk-off, Mace went to take a cold-shower. On his way to the bathrooms Mace heard a quiet sobbing coming from Capa’s room—as soundproofed as the walls were, some things always came through. 

“Capa…?” Mace’s tentative question made Capa’s sobbing suddenly stop.

“W-What is it?”

“Capa, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” The small hitch in Capa’s breathing immediately panged in Mace’s heart. 

“No you’re not. Let me in.”

Mace stood outside of Capa’s door for several moments—believing Capa had either gone to sleep or was ignoring him—before the door slid open. 

Mace’s jaw dropped when he saw Capa lying on his bed—naked—in a small puddle of blood. His body was littered with bruises, some weeks old and some fresh. There were scratches and bites that marred his otherwise beautiful skin. The worst damage seemed to be around his hips and thighs; bruises, cuts, hand-prints and fresh blood. 

“Who?”

“Mace, its fine. I just let you in cause you wouldn’t drop it unless I did.”

“This is everything but fine. Fuck… Capa. Seriously, please. I need to know, who did this to you?”

Capa’s eyes darted away from Mace’s and he seemed to curl into himself. Suddenly he whispered. The first time Mace couldn’t hear. 

“Capa, please, just a little louder.”

“… H-Harvey.” 

“Harvey? Capa, Harvey did this to you?” Mace pointed slowly to all of the marks on Capa’s pale body. 

“Y-yes. But… but you can’t tell any of them-m. We can’t have him in- incarcerated, what if someth-thing happens to Kaneda? We need H-Harvey to be able to work.” Mace watched as Capa pleaded weakly; arms bent forward, legs bowed and breathing sporadic and needy.

“Capa, how many times? What has he done, and how many times?”

“I don’t want to talk about i-it.”

“Tell me or I’ll tell Kaneda.” Mace hated threatening this broken and beautiful man, but he had to know. He had to punish Harvey for what he had done and how many times he’d done it. 

“The first time was the third day I didn’t show u-up to dinner that one week. He… he… at first it was just kissing. He made me kiss him and… and… b-bl-blow him,” A sob wracked his body here and he stopped for a moment before continuing, “The next day he hit me because, cause I wouldn’t let him have me. I didn’t w-want to go to dinner. The third time he-he… he just took it. I wasn’t ready and he just t-t-took me. It was in the payload and I-I… I was so scared. Mace, I- I… I didn’t know how to fight.” Capa stopped and tears fell from between his thick lashes. Mace sat down next to Capa and put his hand in the thick and ragged black hair. He massaged Capa’s scalp and made low shushing noises. 

“Capa, if you can’t say I understand. I just want to make sure he gets what he deserves. No one should touch you like that without your permission. I’ll make sure they get what they deserve if they do.” Capa didn’t open his eyes while Mace talked, but suddenly the shaking stopped. 

“Mace, I wasn’t a virgin. He didn’t take that from me. Its j-just that I couldn’t stop him and I didn’t… I didn’t want him.”

“I know.”

“The fourth time he beat me because I started screaming. I couldn’t take the pa-pain. I don’t know what happened, but the fifth time he just wanted to look at me… t-t-touch me. Then he made me… made me come to dinner. He didn’t want it to look sus-suspicious. But it didn’t stop—It won’t stop—Never stop—I can’t make it stop.” Capa started to curl into the fettle-position then and sobs erupted from his chest. 

“Capa. Look at me. I will not let him touch you again. If he even gets within ten feet of you I will kill him.” Mace kept his eyes locked with Capa’s for the first time outside of a fight since the dinner four months into the journey.

“W-why?”

Mace’s heart stopped and he began to blush. The room was dark, but he knew Capa could see the color. 

“Don’t you hate me?”

Now Mace turned and put his hands on both sides of Capa’s face. “I could never hate you. I don’t, and no matter how much we fight, I will never be able to hate you.”

Capa closed his eyes and sighed. “Please don’t do anything stupid Mace.”

“I can’t promise you anything; this is too important.” Mace watched Capa for several minutes longer before he left the room and hurried towards the gym: Harvey spent every other afternoon in the gym. 

Capa sighed as he watched Mace leave, and huddled beneath his sheets. He knew Mace meant well, but he couldn’t understand why the man would do all of this for him. He wasn’t worth it. Harvey had made that clear. His father had made that clear. Everyone he’d ever known—everyone who’d ignored him, hurt him, hit him—had made that very clear. 

 

TO BE CONTINUED  
A/N- I’d just like to thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed it. Please comment. It might take me a while to update, but I really want to get to adding to this one. 

*yes, Fight Club.


	2. Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mace gives Harvey a warning and Capa relives some of the worst moments of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N- I'm not super great at writing but I really want this one to turn out well, so please comment and read if you can. :) I really love Sunshine and this pairing!

Mace stood in the hallway of the Icarus II, directly opposite the entrance to the gym. He clenched and unclenched his fists in hopes that he would be able to control his temper before he found Harvey. He couldn’t imagine facing that asshole without beating him into a bloody pulpy mess; the asshole who shattered Capa—Capa who would never be his, beautiful and delicate and independent and intelligent Capa… broken Capa.

 

Some of the things that Capa had said to Mace within the past few months broke through the floodgates of Mace’s mind:

_You couldn’t hurt me if you tried._

_I’m fine._

_It’s fine._

 

Mace shuddered at his ability to miss every sign he’d been given. How had he let Capa live this way? Then Mace mechanically replayed the words he’d heard only minutes earlier—words that broke him and tore him; words that had bled from Capa’s lips with a halting intensity.

_He made me kiss him._

_He hit me._

_I didn’t know how to fight._

_I wasn’t a virgin._

_He didn’t take that from me._

_Don’t you hate me?_

_Please don’t do anything stupid, Mace._

 

How had he missed the signs? How had he not realized it was  **that**? Capa had been introverted for weeks, and no one had cared.

Mace couldn’t stop what happened next: blind with angry and scalding rage, he burst into the gym and threw Harvey up against the far wall.

 

“Mace! What the fuck?” Harvey’s limbs were tangled up against the wall—Mace’s forearm was cutting across his neck and Harvey was growing red quickly.

 

“You know exactly what the fuck.”Mace fixed his eyes into Harvey’s before releasing the neck beneath his arm. Then, he placed his hands on both sides of Harvey’s face and flexed threateningly. “Give me one reason I shouldn’t beat your face in right now.”

 

“I swear to God, Mace, I don’t know what this is about.” Mace would have believed Harvey’s innocence had it been any other accusation, but the combination of Harvey’s accelerated heart-beat, the pounding in Mace’s ears, and the whimpers that had plagued Capa’s speech forced the reality onto Mace.

 

“You give me one reason or I swear I’ll kill you. You touch another hair on his head, and I swear… I. Will. Kill. You. And it will be very slow.”

 

“Mace… come on. I mean, you’re a guy. You get it, right? He’s like a fucking girl he’s so pretty. He’s so sweet. You know. You’ve seen him—and… and… I mean, he’s so fuckable. Haven’t you seem him when he get’s outta the shower? It’s just this great pale skin and… come on. Whenever he bends over… and he does that way to fucking often. He’s just messing with us. He wants it, too. I mean come on Mace—don’t tell me you wouldn’t do differently. I mean, you’d do this if you had the chance too. He didn’t ever say no. He just lies there and grunts. And you can say it’s pain, but fuck. No. He’s just enj—,” Harvey was cut off by an furious fist slamming across his face.

 

“You will never say any of those lies about him again.”

 

“You can’t stop me. You can’t kill me. He wouldn’t let you.”

 

“I can kill you if I want to, Harvey. And believe me, if you even look at him again, I will want to kill you.” Mace put his hands at his sides and stood before Harvey for several moments longer before turning to leave.

 

“You can’t tell Searle or Kaneda. They wouldn’t believe you, and Capa wouldn’t tell them. He cares about the mission,” had Harvey not been so nervous—trembling from terror—Mace would’ve beat him for the presumptuous way he spoke about Capa. Mace had to admit, that it was also the truth of the statement that stopped him: Harvey was right. Capa would never let anyone put him before the mission.

 

“I’m not going to. But, you should fucking believe me, Harvey. I will kill you the minute we’re on Earth if you try anything.”

 

“Sure.” Mace crossed the room and smashed Harvey’s head against the wall—at half the strength he could’ve used—before he quickly stormed from the room—back to Capa’s side.

 

When Mace returned to Capa’s bedroom, the physicist was fast asleep—although it looked to be a restless sleep. Mace sat in the corner of the room and watched him sleep—dreaming of how it could’ve been for them back on Earth. They could’ve been beautiful together had he made his move. Had he made his move so many things would’ve been different…

 

**************************

 

Capa hated sleeping. It wasn’t the act of sleeping that he disliked—putting his head down and closing his eyes was painless. Rather it was the dreams he was plagued with that made the experience into an ordeal. Ever since his fifteenth birthday he’d had the same set of dreams, and once he made it onto the Icarus II the only differences was the addition of a dream.

The first dream was always the same:

_“Dad, please.”_

_“Shut the fuck up, you little shit.”_

_A slap across the face and Capa was on the floor again. He couldn’t get off of the floor without another hand across his face._

_“I have school tomorrow.”_

_“And I have work tomorrow.”_

_A boot into his side. A fire-poker slamming up and down and up and down and down and down and down on his back._

_“Please. Dad, you’re drunk.”_

_“And you’re a little genius.”_

_Another boot to his side and Capa was writhing in pain._

_“Daddy?”_

_“Go to sleep.”_

_A bottle to his head, and Capa was out. Blackness._

 

The blackness only ever lasted a few minutes in his sleep.

 

Soon the next dream would begin:

_Five boys circled Capa. Only one was as tall as he was, but what they lacked in height, they may up for in muscle tone._

_“Come on, guys. I have to get to class.”_

_One of them chuckled._

_“Please…? Just let me go.”_

_The tallest one—still only Capa’s height—bound forward and shoved Capa up against a brick wall. “Make me.”_

_“What do you mean?” Capa knew what they meant. He wished he didn’t, but the dreams were the same—always the same._

_“You know exactly what I mean.” The words were followed by the boys lips ghosting over Capa’s neck, and a slow and foreboding dry hump against his leg._

_“Please no…” Capa closed his eyes._

_“Hey! What are you kids doing back here?”_

_“Fuck—run!” Suddenly Capa was alone, and he was crying._

_The boys left, but Capa knew that beatings came almost weekly after that. Never again were they as ballsy as the first time, but that didn’t mean they’d never suggest it—because they did, frequently._

 

The final—and newest—dream was the longest, the most painful, the most vivid:

 

_Capa was sitting alone in the pay-load. He was finishing up another simulation when Harvey knocked._

_“Ya?”_

_“It’s Harvey.”_

_“Oh, hey… come on in.”_

_Harvey stood at a distance for a time, just watching as Capa shut down the machines._

_“I’m sorry if I’m late for dinner again.”_

_“No Capa, you’re not late.”_

_Capa stood and tried to walk past Harvey—tried to go to dinner, but Harvey’s hand encircled his upper-arm. Then Harvey smiled. It was just a smile, but Capa tugged on the hand and tried to leave. It was just a smile. Within moments Capa was up against the door—unable to breathe through the lips that were suctioned onto his. Harvey groped at his clothed body; Harvey didn’t care what he grabbed as long as he grabbed it._

_“Harvey. Stop. Pl-please… I—,” the lips were back on Capa’s within seconds._

_Now they were on the floor: Capa’s mouth wrapped feebly around Harvey’s member._

_Now they were against the door: Capa naked and trembling and bleeding and bruised across the face._

_ow they were in Harvey’s bed: Capa crying and curled into as much of a ball as he could be. Bleeding more. Bleeding there._

_Now they were in the pay-load: Capa beaten to a bloody pulp on the floor._

_Now they were in the showers: Capa was naked and shivering. Harvey was touching him. N_

_ow they were at dinner: Capa was trying not to whimper._

 

Then the dream ended. It ended there because he would wake up before the rapes repeated themselves. Capa couldn’t handle it if they repeated themselves.

 

“Jesus Christ. Capa? Capa are you alright? You’re shivering. Jesus.”

 

Capa panicked and looked around the room; once he saw it was Mace his heart slowed significantly, but the ghosts of the dreams remained in the blackness of his mind.

 

“Capa… ?”


End file.
